Dreaming Reality
by Jayne Leigh
Summary: B.J has a dream that he cannot get out of his head until news from home causes his whole world to collapse.  BJ/Peg  Please R&R.  Character death  Chapter 7
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this was going to be a standalone when I first started writing it but it went in a completely different direction. I hope you like it! Please review and let me know! **

**Enjoy!**

**Dreaming Reality**

_A gentle hand on B.J's shoulder broke his sleep. He immediately recognized the familiar touch and he knew he must have been dreaming because it was impossible. He felt the hand leave his shoulder and a few seconds later, fingers gently caressed his cheek. He kept his eyes closed in fear that if he opened them, all he would see is the Swamp and his two bunkmates._

"_B.J." _

_His heart sped up when he heard her, whisper his name and reluctantly opened his eyes. He could not help but smile when he saw his wife sat on the edge of his cot. She returned the smile and she ran her fingers down his face, to his chest, placing her hand right over his heart. _

_He shifted to make more room, so she could laid down beside him. They did not speak. They just led facing each other, silently looking into one another eyes. _

_He didn't question why she was there. He didn't question why silence surrounded them, drowning out his best friend's, normal restless sleep in the cot opposite and the sounds of the few people working the night shift around the camp. Instead he concentrated on the feel of her fingers threaded through his own and oh so familiar scent of her perfume and shampoo mixed perfectly together...He didn't care whether or not he was dreaming. He missed her so much that it hurt and this was the closest he felt to her since he had arrived in Korea...He was going to hold onto it as long as he could. _

XxXxX

B.J was jerked awake by the sound of horn, beeping loudly as he drove by the tent.

"I don't remember ordering a wake up call." Hawkeye quipped, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. He glanced across at his friend and frowned slightly when he saw B.J staring down at his cot mattress. "Beej?"

"Hmm?" His head snapped up.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...just..." He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm fine."

Hawkeye sighed and swung his legs over the side of the cot. He rubbed his tired eyes. "Another day in hell...and here I thought it was all dream."

A dream...His dream...It had felt so real. Just like Peg had been there, right with him. His heart ached for his wife. He wanted to hold her... to kiss her...to look into her eyes.

"Hey, B.J?" Hawkeye placed a hand on his shoulder causing the younger man to jump. "You sure you're okay?"

"I guess, I'm still half a sleep." B.J replied, looking at his friend for the first time that morning and noticed he was already dressed.

"So, did you want to come to get some breakfast?" Hawkeye questioned.

"Yeah, sure..." B.J stood up and quickly pulled on his clothes. "Lets go."

"Next time we come to war, I say we bring our own chef." Hawkeye joked.

"I'm surprised Charles hasn't sent for one." B.J replied as he followed Hawkeye out the swamp. He paused in the door way and glanced back, part of him was expecting to see some kind of trace of Peg but there was nothing.

Sighing, he told himself to get a grip. It was just a dream but he could not get it out of his head. He told still feel her fingertips on his face. The more the thought about it, the more it made him feel uneasy but he could not work out why.

"Margaret, how would you like two strong and handsome men to join you for breakfast." Hawkeye asked, when he noticed the Major sat alone after they collected their food.

"That would be great...Do you know any?" She shot back.

"Ha, well I guess you will just have to put up with us." Hawkeye placed his tray down and sat beside Margaret while B.J sat down opposite them.

B.J pushed his food around on the tray but didn't eat anything. What did his dream mean? He had dreamt before that Peg was there in Korea with him but they were always nightmares. He had to fight to save her life. Why was last night different? He had felt content, which was something he had not felt since he had left the states. He briefly wondered whether it meant, he was getting used to not being with her but he quickly dismissed it...He felt like crying everyday, he didn't see her. He knew that he would never get use to that.

He turned his head to look to the left when he thought he felt someone beside him but all there was, was an empty space.

"Hey, Beej!" Hawkeye leaned across the table and banged his fork on B.J's tray to get his attention.

"Sorry? What?"

"What's with you this morning?" Hawkeye questioned. "You keep zoning out."

"Are you sick?" Margaret stood up and moved towards him, bringing her hand to his forehead.

B.J jerked his head away before she could touch him. "I'm fine."

"Beej, what is it?"

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It's nothing...just last night, I had this dream...and it was so real..."

"Oh yeah..." Hawkeye leered, jokingly causing Margaret to roll her eyes.

"Pierce! Can't you act like a grown up for once in your life?"

"Of course, I can but I just choose not too."

"Your friend is upset and you cannot even be bothered to take it seriously!" She waved a hand in B.J direction.

"I'm not upset, I'm fine." B.J insisted as he stood up.

"No, Beej, I'm sorry...Stay." Hawkeye suddenly felt guilty. "Tell us about your dream? Nightmare?"

"No, it a good dream...I should go...I'm already late for Post-Op."

"B.J."

"Hawk, I'm fine."

"Well, you handle that well!" Margaret glared at Hawkeye once B.J had left.

"He'll be fine...Let him brood for a bit and then he will open up." Hawkeye claimed and just prayed he was right.

B.J headed across the compound, determined to get the dream out of his head. It was as if she was still there with him. He used to always be able to tell when she walked into a room before he saw her. It was as if he was going crazy.

"Captain?" Klinger called out and ran to catch up with him. "Captain, Colonel Potter needs you in his office."

B.J suddenly felt sick. "Why?"

"He never said."

"I got post-op duty." B.J claimed.

"Sir, I think its pretty important." Klinger replied.

He just looked at the company clerk, trying to read Klinger's face to find out what was going on.

"Captain?" Klinger prompted after a few seconds.

"Right, Okay...I'm going."

Klinger watched as B.J walked away. He had no idea what was going, all he knew was that the Colonel Potter had got a phone call from the States this morning and then sent him out to look for B.J. He could not shake the feeling that something bad had happened. He turned on his heels and headed for the Mess tent. If there was something wrong, then B.J would want Hawkeye there.

B.J hesitated outside Potter's office. His mind was screaming at him to turn and run away. Deep down in the pit of his stomach, he knew he didn't want to know what the Colonel had to say. After a few seconds, he forced his hand to raise and to knock on the door before he changed his mind and then pushed through the double doors.

"What you wanted to see me, Colonel?"

Potter turned around from where he was looking at the window. B.J immediately recognized the look of the sympathy and sadness in the older man's eye; convincing him even more that he should not have come.

"B.J..." Potter started but stopped; he had no idea how to have this conversation. "Why don't you sit down?"

"Colonel, is this important?" B.J questioned. "Because I'm late for post-op duty and you know how Charles gets..."

"Sit down, Son." Potter said softly and placed a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down onto a chair.

"Colonel, I really should get going."

"B.J, forget about post-op." Potter told him. "I'm sorry, Son...but I'm afraid I have some terrible news."

B.J's heart sped up and threaten to burst out of his chest as he stared at the Colonel. His hands gripped onto the side of the chair so tightly, that his knuckles turned white but he was afraid if he let go, then he would bolt from the room before Potter could tell him the news he was dreading. He felt it again – fingertips slowly trailing down his cheek.

"Something has happened back home, hasn't it?" B.J questioned, swallowing the lump that rose in his throat. "Something has happened to Peg and Erin?"

"There was an accident," Potter informed him. "I don't know too much, Erin was not there but Peg was on her way home, when another car hit her."

"But...but she is okay, right?" B.J asked, tears stinging his eyes; he already knew the answer. "She's has to be okay."

"I'm sorry, son..." Potter placed his hand on his shoulder again. "She didn't make it."

He had knew...when he woke up this morning, he had known something was not right but hearing the words said out loud was like someone slamming a sledgehammer into his stomach. He struggled to breath and fell back onto the back of the chair, all his energy drained out of him.

"I know there is nothing that can make you feel better but if there is anything you need, then just ask."

"You're wrong...You've got to be wrong..." B.J stuttered a little, shaking his head in disbelief. "Please...please just tell me your wrong."

"I wish I was, Son." Potter whispered. "I really wish I was."

He had told many people in his time that their loved ones had died. The families of men that served under his commended. Soldiers, who had woken up from surgery to find out their best friend didn't make it. Hell, he was the one that broke the news to Mildred that her Mother had passed away. None of them was as hard as this. None of them broke his heart quite like the look on B.J's face was doing right now.

"She...she was my wife...my best friend..."

"I know," Potter mumbled helplessly. "We're going to get you on the next available plane out of here so you can be with your little girl."

B.J squeezed his eyes shut but tears still slipped silently down his face. Erin. His beautiful baby girl, who was the image of her mother. There was no way he could raise her without Peg.

Potter didn't know what else he could say. It was not fair that B.J had to witness so much death and distraction here and also have to suffer it back home too. The phone broke the silence and Potter glanced at it, knowing who it would be.

"B.J... that should be your father." He told him. "I spoke to him earlier, he wanted to talk to you but there was a bad line and we were cut off...I told the operator to put him straight through...Do you feel up to talking to him."

B.J took a couple of deep breaths and nodded, while wiping the tears from his eyes. Maybe his father would tell him there was a mistake...Maybe it was all a joke...Maybe it was just a plan to get B.J home.

Potter answered the phone and spoke a few quiet words with the person on the other end before holding it out to B.J.

"I'll give you some privacy...I'll be right outside if you need me." Potter told him then headed for the door.

"I'm telling you, something not right!" Klinger insisted as Hawkeye and Margaret followed him into his office.

"Just because Potter got a call from the states?" Hawkeye questioned. "It could mean anything."

"You said yourself that B.J has been acting strangely," Margaret added.

"Yeah but that has only been since this morning...besides, he said it was a dream he had...it must have been a nightmare."

"Well, I'm not so sure." Margaret said, in concern. "He looked sick to me."

Before any of them could say any more, Potter exited his office and looked at them all.

"What are you three up to?" He asked with a tired sigh. It was only 9am and he was already wishing this day was over.

"We're worried about B.J...He hasn't been himself this morning and then Klinger said,you wanted to see him."

Just then the door's from Post-Op swung open and Charles stormed in.

"Ah, Pierces, here you are...I knew if could just find you then you're little partner in crime would not be far away!" Charles looked around the office. "Hunnicutt was meant to relieve me 30 minutes ago! Where is he?"

"Not now, Major." Potter told him. "He's busy at the moment, you will just have to carry on in Post-Op until further notice."

"Busy? What could be so important that he cannot do his duty?" Charles exclaimed.

"He's in my office talking to his Father."

"His Dad?" Hawkeye questioned, in surprise.

"Oh, marvelous! He gets a personal phone call while I have to do his work."

Potter looked at Charles, feeling angry boiling inside him but he forced himself to calm down when part of his brain reminded him that Charles didn't know what had happened.

"Colonel? What is it?" Margaret asked.

"There was an accident involving Peg... Her injuries were too serious...She didn't survive."

Margaret gasped and covered her mouth with her hand in shock. Charles stared at the Colonel in shock and suddenly feeling incredibly guilty. Klinger sat heavily down on his chair, he knew something was wrong but he was not expecting that. Hawkeye stared at the doors to Potter's office, his stomach knotting at the thought of how much pain his best friend must be in right now.

"She was only young..." Margaret mumbled. "Oh and that poor little girl..."

"Erin? What about her? Is she okay?" Hawkeye suddenly remembered his best friend's daughter.

Potter held up a hand to stop him. "She's fine...She wasn't there."

"Okay, good...good..." Hawkeye looked back towards the doors.

"Klinger, I'm going to need you to fill out the paperwork for a hardship discharge." Potter told him. "And get onto I-Corps and tell them we need a new doctor."

"Yes, Sir." Klinger said, sadly.

Hawkeye ran a hand over his face. B.J was going home. He didn't know whether he would be able to face being in Korea without his best friend. Selfishly, he didn't want him to leave but a bigger part of him knew that Erin needed him more and he probably needed Erin too.

"I cannot believe this..." Margaret said, quietly with tears in her eyes. "Do you think he knew?"

"What?"

"B.J. Do you think on some level, he had known." She queried. "He was acting strange this morning."

"Don't be absurd!" Charles rolled his eyes. "How could he have possible known?"

They all fell silent when the doors to Potter's office opened and B.J slowly walked out, staring straight ahead.

"How you doing, Son?" Potter asked, gently.

B.J looked at him for a few seconds and then when he opened his mouth to speak, no words came out.

"Is there anything you need?"

He shook his head. "I need...I'm want to go back to the swamp."

"Why don't you stay here for a bit," Potter suggested. "We'll sit down and have a belt, it'll help with the shock."

He shook his head again. "I need to be alone...I need to go back to the swamp."

"Okay," Potter agreed reluctantly. "You just remember, we are all here for you."

B.J gave a small nod and slowly moved towards the door; not once did he look at the others in room. Before he stepped outside, he turned back around.

"B.J?" Potter questioned, in concern.

"Where's Father Mulcahy?" He asked. "I should pray... I need to pray for Peg."

"He went to the orphanage this morning," Klinger informed him. "He's due back within the hour."

"When he gets back, can you ask him to come see me?"

"Of course, I will send him straight over." Potter assured him.

With another nod, B.J walked out.

"There's got to be something we can do." Margaret was the first break the silence.

"I'm going to talk to him..." Hawkeye started towards the door but Potter stopped him.

"Maybe we should leave him alone for a little while."

"He's my best friend," Hawkeye replied. "I can't just leave him like this."

Potter let go of his arm and nodded understandingly but Hawkeye didn't move.

"What do I say to him?" He whispered, his voice cracking a little. "I don't know what to say to him."

"None of us do," Potter said softly. "Maybe we should give him, his space...Until Father Mulcahy returns...I know B.J isn't all that religious but it might help."

"This is not right...This should not have happened... Not to Beej...Not to Peg...Not to Erin."

"I know, Son." Potter agreed.

XxXxX

As soon as B.J entered the swamp, he went straight to his cot and sat on the edge. Closing his eyes, he hoped he would be able to feel her there but there was nothing but emptiness. After a few seconds, he reached out a shaky hand and picked up the photo of Peg and Erin. He felt tears burn in his eyes as he stared at his wife. He slowly led down, burying his face in his pillow and hugged the photo to his chest. Then, he cried...he could not hold it together any more. He had no idea what to do...everything hurt too much. He didn't know if he could carry on living without Peg... and he didn't know whether he wanted to or not.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, guys! Here's the next part! Thank you to everyone that are reading! Still trying to find my feet in the M*A*S*H fandom, so please review and let me know what you think! **

**Enjoy! **

**Dreaming Reality**

Father Mulcahy knocked quietly on the door to the swamp before opening it slowly. His eyes immediately fell on B.J, who was led on his cot; staring straight ahead still clutching the photo of his wife and daughter to his chest.

"B.J, Colonel Potter has told me what happened." He said softly, moving closer to the Captain. "I'm so sorry."

B.J swung his legs over the edge of the cot, so he was sitting up. When he dropped the photo down beside him his eyes lingered on it for a few seconds before he turned his attention to the Priest.

"I wanted to...I thought I should pray." B.J brushed away a few tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. "For Peg... I wanted to pray for Peg but I don't know how."

Mulcahy put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Why don't we pray together."

B.J nodded slightly and moved off the cot, dropping to his knees on the floor. Father Mulcahy looked at him sadly. When he first heard the dreadful news, he had been surprised to be told that the only thing that B.J had asked for, was him. He knew that B.J was religious and when he had first arrived in Korea, the young Captain had attended a few of his Sunday services but as the war went on, the less he talked about his faith.

He lowered himself to his knees beside B.J, stealing another glance at him before starting the pray.

B.J stayed silent, his head bowed and eyes screwed shut. He did feel a little torn. He had wanted to ask God to look after and care for his wife but then another part of him was angry with him for taking her. He watched death happened everyday and he had always believed that it was all part of God's plan but he could not understand why he had to take Peg.

When he heard Mulcahy say 'amen', he tried repeating the word but his lips moved silently.

Father Mulcahy stayed knelled and waited patiently for B.J to say or do something.

"I'm sorry, Father..." He mumbled, quietly.

"Whatever for?" Mulcahy asked in surprise.

"I don't know what to do..." he replied. "I don't know how I should feel...I want to believe that Peg is in a better place but I just can't...How could anywhere be better then our home with our little girl?"

"B.J, I wish I can tell you why this has happened but I don't have the answers." Mulcahy told him. "You just have to have faith that everything will be okay."

"I just... I just cannot see how anything will be okay, again." B.J claimed. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can," Mulcahy assured him. "You're stronger then you think you are."

B.J stared down at his hands and his gold wedding ring. He remembered when they had first gotten married and how uncomfortable, he found to wear a ring but after a few months, he got so used to it that he felt like a piece of him was missing when he had to take it off.

"You have to hold onto the good times," Father Mulcahy continued. "Remember them and they will you get through the bad ones."

B.J pushed himself off the floor and sat on the cot again. "She was here..."

"I'm sorry?"

"Last night I had dreamt she was here...well, I thought it was a dream, now I'm not so sure..." B.J ran a hand over his tired eyes. "She was here and we just held each other and looked at each other...She was right here on this cot and then in the Mess and then Colonel Potter's office... but now she's gone...she's completely gone...She's left me."

"B.J, she is always going to be with you." He tried to assure the Captain. "She is always going to be apart of your heart, and your daughter is going to a permanent reminder of the love you shared."

B.J's eyes were back on the photo. He wondered what his daughter was thinking right now. Was she wondering where she Mommy was? Was she scared? She was too young to understand death. Would she ever be able to understand why the one person that had been with her from day one was taken away from her.

"B.J, I know there is probably nothing I can say that will comfort you right now but just know, there is a lot of people in your life, that care about you." Father Mulcahy said warmly. "You have your family and friends back home but there are always a lot of people in this camp, who cannot help but feel the pain you are going through now."

B.J looked up at him, eyes filled with tears but this time he didn't try to stop them falling. Father Mulcahy reached out and put his arm around his shoulders.

"Speaking of the others...I believe Colonel Potter, Hawkeye and Margaret are having coffee in the Mess...Do you feel up to joining them?"

B.J shook his head. "No...I can't..."

"That's fine, we can stay here." Mulcahy smiled slightly.

"Actually, Father, I'm feeling a little tired." He told him. "I may just try to get some sleep."

"Oh... okay, well I'll be going then." The Priest stood up. "Are you sure, you will be okay on your own?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine..." He assured him. "Thank you, Father...I appreciate you coming and talking to me."

"Any time, my Son...Any time."

B.J waited until he was alone before laying back down; this time, he placed the photo on the pillow beside his head and then closed his eyes. He hoped that Peg would come back to him...Even if it was just in his dreams.

**TBC**

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Please keep them coming! **

**Enjoy!**

**Dreaming Reality **

Charles paused in the doorway to the swamp and was relieved to see B.J was sleeping. Trying to be as quiet as he could, he moved to his own cot to retrieve the letters from home that Klinger had delivered earlier that day.

"Peg?" B.J sat up, his eyes scanning the tent quickly.

"Uh, no...It's...it's just me..." Charles turned to look at him.

B.J sighed and rubbed his eyes; as he remembered what had happened.

"I just needed to pick something up and then I will be out of your way." Charles reached down to pick up his post.

"You don't need to run off..." B.J mumbled, his hands still covering his face. "This is your tent too."

"Yes but I must to get back to Post-Op."

"Post-Op?" B.J looked up at him. "I forgot! I'm meant to be on Post-Op duty."

"Not to worry, between the Colonel, Pierce and myself, we have your duty covered." Charles assured him.

B.J just nodded slightly in reply. While he never liked it when his friends had to do extra work to cover for him, he couldn't think of anything worse then going to face young boys who were suffering from the horrors of war while he was suffering his own personal war.

Charles headed for the door but then stopped and turned to look at B.J again. He would never admit it but there were times when he felt like he was closer to B.J and Hawkeye then his own family.

"Uh, Hunnicutt?" Charles started but couldn't find the right words.

When Charles did not continue, B.J looked up at him questionable.

"Was there, something you needed, Charles?" B.J asked, slightly irritated; he just wanted to go back to sleep where his dreams had yet to become the nightmare he was living.

"If you needed money, then I would gladly help you out."

B.J looked at him for a few seconds. "No, it's okay...I wouldn't be able to afford the interest rates."

"I did not mean...I uh..." Charles stuttered.

"Or did you want a houseboy again? Well, that wouldn't work..." B.J cut in, angrily. "Haven't you heard? My wife is dead! I'm being shipped out of here."

"I simply wanted to help and had no intention of asking for the money back or anything in return...I certainly never meant to upset you." Charles told him. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you...I'll leave now."

"Charles?" B.J called out, as the Major reached the door. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have presumed... I appreciate the offer."

"No, its is I that should apologize..." Charles walked closer to him. "My brother, Timmy...He died, while I was very young..."

B.J looked up at him in surprise. He had never heard Charles mention a brother.

"Two days later, my Father brought me the train set I had wanted...Honoria got a new doll...over the next few weeks, we got a lot of new toys...anything we wanted." Charles stared off ahead in his own little world. "You see, my Father's solution to our grief was to throw money at us...When really, all we wanted was a hug."

B.J did not know what to say, he had never seen this side of Charles before.

Charles cleared his throat, suddenly feeling awkward. He had never spoke about this to anyone.

"You're not going to hug me, are you?" B.J questioned, he could see how uncomfortable Charles was.

"Ha, no...I shall leave that to the feminine members of staff...like Klinger."

B.J smiled slightly and then stood up. He moved over to the still but stopped himself before he could pour himself a drink.

"It seems I take after my father in a way that I promised myself I would not," Charles added. "I am truly sorry for your lose and I cannot imagine what you must be feeling, right now."

B.J turned to face him again, his eyes glistening with tears. He just gave Charles a small nod in reply when he choked on the words he tried to say.

"I should get back to post-op." Charles told him but stopped at the door again. "Hunnicutt? My offer still stands, it's tough for a single parent to raise a child."

B.J closed his eyes when he heard the words 'single parent'. How could be a single parent? He had a wife, whom he loved. He should not have to do this alone.

"And it could get pretty expensive..."

"Charles, I appreciate it, I really do but...but I cannot think about it right now." B.J said. "There are more important things then money."

"Of course," Charles replied. "Just remember my offer."

"Thanks." B.J whispered as the Major left the tent.

He walked back to his cot and sat down again; leaning back, he stared up at the canvas roof.

"How about that, Peg? Major Charles Emmerson Winchester III, offering me money with no strings attached..." He spoke quietly. He paused for a moment before continuing. "I know, you're here... I can't see you or hear but I know...deep down in my heart, I know you're here...You shouldn't be here, Peg. You should be at home with Erin, our daughter...our beautiful, amazing daughter... you should be there, not here..."

He moved to lie fully down, resting his head on the pillow, where the photograph still led. He traced his wife's face with finger gently.

"But stay with me, Peg..." He whispered before closing his eyes. "Just please stay with me..."

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, guys! Here's the next chapter! Thank you for all the reviews! **__**Loved all your suggestions. I don't want to give to much away about what I got planned but I don't think any of you will be disappointed. Well, I hope not anyway! Please keep reviewing and let me know what you think! **

**Enjoy! **

**Dreaming Reality **

B.J was woken again by someone entering the tent but this time he knew it wouldn't be his wife and his heart broke just a little bit more.

"Oh, I didn't mean to wake you." Margaret told him. "I just thought I would bring you some lunch."

B.J looked at the tray in her hand and his stomach cramped at just the thought of eating anything. "I'm not really hungry."

"You hardly touched your breakfast, this morning..." She replied and moved closer to him. "You've got to eat...You got to keep your strength up."

"Margaret, I can't..." He shook his head.

"B.J." She sighed and sat beside. "Oh, B.J...I don't know what to do."

He looked at her. "You don't need to do anything."

"But I want to." She told him. "I want to help you."

"I appreciate it, Margaret but unless you can tell me this is all a mistake then there is nothing you can do."

"I can help you pack." She announced. "Klinger is working on getting you home right now...I can make sure you're ready to leave straight away."

"What if I don't want to go home?" He asked, quietly, staring at his hands.

She frowned at him. "What are you talking about? You have to go home?"

"Go home to what? An empty house?"

"To Erin."

"She doesn't need me...She needs her Mom!"

"She needs to her Daddy too!" Margaret gripped onto his arm to stop him from standing up. "Now more then ever."

"I don't know if can do it, Margaret." He whispered. "I've forgotten how to be a Father...I don't know what food she likes or dislikes...I don't know what bedtime story will put her to sleep...I don't know anything about her!"

"Of course you do!" She insisted. "You're just scared but you'll be fine! I know it!"

"How do you know it?"

"Because I've seen you with the children that get brought into here." She answered. "You're so good with them and they all love you!"

B.J wouldn't look at her, his eyes glued to his wedding ring.

"B.J, if there anyone who can do this then it's you." She told him. "It's not fair that you have to but you _do_ have to."

When he did look up at her a few tears fall down his face. "Erin deserve more then just me."

"Oh, B.J! Never underestimate the bond between a Father and a Daughter." She put an arm around his shoulders. Normally, she would debate with herself, whether she should be showing affection to someone who had a lower rank then her, especially a male but this time she didn't care. B.J was a good friend and he was hurting; she wanted to help him.

"Peg would like you, y'know." B.J said after as he pulled back, wiping away the tears. "You two would have got along brilliant."

"Really?" She asked, a little surprised.

He nodded. "You both have the same sense of humor."

She smiled slightly. "Tell me more about her."

"There's not a lot to tell." He shrugged. "She the kindest, the smartest, beautiful person I've ever met."

"How did you meet?" She questioned.

"Her Grandmother and my Grandmother grew up together and were best friends...Peg's Mother moved to Oklahoma when she got married and whenever they came to San Francisco for a visit, our families always had a get together..." He explained. "We always got a long really well but one year when we were 15 and Peg was staying with her Grandma for the whole summer and we became closer...We started dating but then she had to go home...By the time the next summer came around, her Grandma got sick and Peg asked her parents if she could move down to help take care of her...She ended up transferring to the same school as me and We haven't been apart since, until I was drafted."

"Oh B.J." Margaret placed a hand over her heart. "That's the most romantic story, I think I've ever heard."

He pushed himself to his feet and started to pace around the small space between his and Hawkeye's tent. He kept clenching his hands together tightly at his sides as he tried to keep a hold on his emotion.

"Y'know, my friend Leo, who was the best man at our wedding used to tease us...He used to call us the Prince and Princess of Mill Valley and said that we were living a fairytale..." B.J told her. "This is not a fairytale ending... and this should not be our ending, we were meant to grow old together."

Margaret stood and reached out to touch him but he kept moving.

"We had our future planned out and then this god forsaking war happened," he continued. "And everything got blown to hell."

"I know its not what you want to hear right now but you have done a lot of good while you've been here." Margaret informed him.

"Why because I'm surgeon?" He asked, finally stopping to look at her. "If it wasn't me, then there would have been some other doctor here."

"Yeah but he might not have been as good as you." She replied. "But that's what I'm talking about... You've done a lot of good for this camp, for these people...for me."

"Margaret," he sighed and dropped back down on the cot. "I appreciate..."

"I'm serious!" She insisted. "Before you and Colonel Potter came, the only friend I had was Frank Burns...Do you know how lonely I was?

He could remember when he first arrived at the camp and the Major Houlihan he had met then was different to the Margaret Houlihan he knew now.

"The thing is B.J, you've become a very good friend to me." She sat beside him and took his hand. "And I'm so sad that you're leaving but I'm even sadder about the reason why you're going home...I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too." He whispered.

"I'm really going to miss your pranks," she told him and nudge his shoulder with hers, teasingly. "I know that you're the mystery prankster."

He looked at her in surprised but when he opened his mouth to say something, she held up her hand.

"And don't try to deny it."

"How did you figure it out?" He asked.

He had played a lot of pranks during his time in Korea; a lot of the time he had help from Hawkeye and sometimes Margaret and even Charles. There were times when he had pull jokes and didn't hide the fact that it was him. Then there were other times when he worked alone and left no trace that it was him behind the joke.

"When you filled Frank's bunker with water...He told me that you and Sidney Freedmen help him out of the water..." She smiled at the memory. "I had thought that it was Sidney behind it all, since the jokes had pretty much started around the time he arrived but then a few days after he felt, someone put tiny holes in Franks mug, so it would leak when he drank out of it...So, that just left you."

B.J could not help but smile when he picture Frank's face as he tried to drink his morning coffee that day.

"Didn't Frank work it out?"

"Are you kidding? He believed that the Chinese had sneaked into camp, filled up his bunker and shouted Air Raid in an attempt to drown American Soldiers."

"You're not serious?" He stared at her and then shook his head. "I'm sorry but that man had more then one screw loose... How did you put up with him so long."

She shrugged. "I used to believe that he was the kind of man I wanted to be with."

He turned a little so he was facing her. "Are we talking about the same Frank Burn?"

She sighed a little. "Like I said, it was a lonely place."

"Yeah..." B.J agreed, quietly. Even though he had made some truly good friends, none of them could fill the place that was left when he had to leave Peg and Erin back in the states.

"But then you turned up..." She smiled softly when he frowned at her. "I heard the nurses talking about you a few days after you arrived...how handsome you are...how kind and funny...I assumed that Pierce had another buddy to go and hit on my nurses with but then something happened."

"What?"

"You walked into the Mess tent and they invited you to join... They flirted with you but you didn't even notice...Then one of them asked about where you from, straight away you whipped out our photos and told them about your family back home..." She placed a hand on top of his. "I wanted that...I wanted a man who would talk and smile about me, like you did about Peg."

"I did notice but I just didn't care."

"She really was a lucky a woman." She gave his hand a squeeze. "There's not many men that can stay as faithful and devoted as you..."

He pulled his hand away and stood up, turning his back to her.

"B.J?" She also stood up. "Did I say something wrong?"

He shook his head and stepped over the still but this time, he did pour himself.

"I don't really feel like talking any more." He told her, wincing as the gin burned his throat.

"Oh..." she said in surprised, she thought he was starting to open up to her. "Well, if there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Well, I'll be in my tent if you need anything."

Margaret waited for a few seconds but when she got no response, she decided that maybe she should give him some space.

When he heard the door closing behind the Major, he refilled his glass. He stared down at the clear liquid before turning and throwing the glass across the tent, causing it to smash into the door.

He wanted to hit out and break anything and everything that was in reach but he didn't have the energy. He sank to the floor on his knees and cried because he was never going to make love to his wife ever again and the last woman he did make love to, wasn't her.

**TBC**

**Please review! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the review and to everyone who has added this to their favourite and story alerts! Please review and let me know what you think! **

**Dreaming Reality **

Pieces of paper were scattered around B.J's cot. All of them were letters from Peg. Some were just simply telling him what she and Erin had been up to. While other were about how much she missed him... How she hated sleeping alone at night... How every time Erin did something new, her happiness was quickly followed with heartbreak because he wasn't there to share it with her.

He needed this connection; he needed to see her words of love for him. He had made a mistake with Carrie Donovan, one that haunted him from the moment it happened. He had leaned to put it behind him because he had always planned on spending the rest of his life making it up to Peg, but now that was impossible.

He didn't want to think about that...he wanted to do what Father Mulcahy had told him and think about the good times.

He wanted to the remember the night they had got engaged; how he had proposed during a picnic on the beach under the stars...How on the way home, it started to rain but Peg insisted they walked.

He wanted to remember the day when he returned home from work to find his wife, wearing her best dress surrounded by candles and his favorite dinner on the table. That was the night she had told him she was pregnant.

He wanted to remember all those times, how their hands always seemed to find each others as if magnetic. How whenever, they looked at one another, they couldn't help but smile. How she always knew when he was having a bad day and he always knew how to get her to open when she was sad.

He wanted to be remember how his heart had threatened to burst with joy, the day their daughter was born and all he could do was watch as Peg held Erin for the first time with tears in his eyes.

He picked up another letter, his eyes scanning the words and he tried to smile at the story of how Erin had empty her bowl of jello on her head but he couldn't. Sighing, he dropped the letter and let it float down onto the cot.

When he stood up, he caught sight of his reflection in the small mirror that was on the stove. He didn't look like the same man he was when he back home in Mill Valley. He ran a hand over his face, brushing his fingers over his mustache. The truth was, he wanted to be a different man in Korea. He didn't want to be a father, husband or son. He couldn't always separate that life while he lived in Korea but he never wanted to take the horrors he had seen home with him.

He moved back over to his cot, picked up his wash bag and headed for the door. He was relieved to see that the rain had caused the compound to be practically empty. He quickly made his way to the shower stalls. He just couldn't face talking to anyone. He didn't want to hear how sorry people were.

B.J went straight back to the swamp after his shower and pulled out his shaving kit. He stared into the mirror as he shaved off the mustache; hoping he would be able to see the man he had been when he first arrived.

"Captain?" Klinger knocked as the door before opening it.

"Not for much longer." He mumbled to himself, not taking his eyes off the mirror.

"The first plane I could get you on is tomorrow morning at 9am from Kimpo." Klinger informed him stepping fully into the Swamp.

B.J stopped shaving and turned to look at Klinger.

"I'm sorry, Sir...I did try to get you out of here tonight but there just wasn't any spaces left..."

"No, no, tomorrow is fine." B.J told him and stepped back so he could sit down on his cot. "It's just...I cannot believe I am actually getting out here."

There was a long silence; Klinger wanted to tell him how sorry he was but didn't want to get the words wrong.

Sighing, B.J stood up and returned to shaving. "Thanks, Klinger."

"Sir?" He hesitated. "I want too..I mean..."

"Wanted to what?"

"Well, you know me, Sir...You know how much I want out of here." Klinger started. "The thing is, I've met a few people over here, who I think deserve to be state side more then me... You have always been one of them."

B.J was touched by the Corporal's admission. Sometimes, he forgot how big Klinger's heart really was.

"I'd try anything to be sent home...anything but this...I know when my wife divorced me, it didn't just break my heart, it tore out my soul too..." Klinger continued. "I can't imagine what this feels like for you."

"Dull." B.J surprised himself by admitting. "Everything, just feels, dull...unreal... everything is in slow motion."

"I really am sorry, Sir." Klinger told him, sadly. "You're the last person that deserves this."

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, B.J's eyes filled with tears and he had to turn away, so Klinger didn't see them.

"Uh, well, I should get back to my paperwork." Klinger said, sensing that the Captain would prefer to be alone.

"Thanks, Klinger."

"Any time, Sir."

B.J closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his emotions. After a few seconds, he moved back to the mirror and picked up his razor again. Once he was finished, he stare at himself. He looked cleaner and tidier then he did a hour ago but it didn't make him feel any better. In fact, he felt worse...

XxXxX

Colonel Potter stood in the door to the swamp and looked around sadly. This tent wasn't going to be the same once B.J had left. His eyes landed on the Captain, himself, who was curled up on his cot, asleep. He noticed that B.J had shaved off his mustache, and Potter was surprised at how young, he looked. He sighed, remembering that he was only young. He wasn't even 30 years old yet. His birthday was two months away but they were planning on throwing him a big party a month early so he'd be surprise. He tried to remember what he was doing when he was 30 years old.

Potter stepped fully into the swamp and heard glass crunching underneath his boots. Glancing down he saw, what he guessed was the remains of a Martini glass. He thought back to when B.J had received that letter from his wife telling him about her meeting with Radar. How the captain had gone on a rampage, smashing up the skill and punching Hawkeye. Potter just hoped that will not be the case this time...There was a little girl back in Mill Valley that needed her Father to hold it together.

"Hunnicutt." Potter moved closer to the cot and reached down to shake his arm gently. "Hunnicutt?"

B.J sat up quickly, looking around startled.

"I'm sorry to wake you, son but I wanted to see how you were doing."

B.J swung his legs over the edge of the cot and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know...I guess, I'm okay."

Potter nodded a little and sat down beside him. "I brought you some sandwiches from the Mess."

"No, thanks, Margaret already brought me lunch." B.J only glanced at the package the Colonel held out to him.

"That was seven hours ago," Potter informed him and then gestured to the full tray of food that was on the floor. "And you didn't eat any of it."

B.J turned and looked outside, surprised to see that it was dark; the whole day seemed to have past by without him noticing.

"I know it must be hard but you should eat something." Potter told him. "You need your strength."

B.J stayed silent, he knew Potter was only trying to help but the last thing he wanted to do was to eat something that was likely to increase the pain he was already feeling deep down in his stomach.

"Klinger has the every thing ready for you to leave tomorrow." Potter placed the sandwiches on the cot. "Do you need help getting your stuff together?"

B.J ran a hand over his tired eyes. "I always hated packing."

"Me too." Potter replied. "Had to get use to it since I was in the army."

"You have to get used a to a lot things when you are in the army."

There was a silence that fell over them and Potter watched B.J closely.

"Go ahead, ask me." He told the Captain.

B.J glanced at him. "Colonel?"

"Ask me." He repeated.

"How could you choose this life instead of one with your family?" B.J asked. He had always wanted to know, since he knew Potter was a family man but he didn't want the Colonel to think he was judging him.

Potter had been waiting for B.J to ask this question since the first time they met. There were times when he knew the question was on the tip of the Captain's tongue but he never did.

"I was in the army long before I was married..."

"Yeah but you don't need to be here." B.J cut in. "You could have gone home."

"The army is in my blood, B.J...I know that must be hard for you to understand but I come from a different time." He tried to explain. "I've been apart of horrific wars and while people may think I'm crazy for choosing to live through another...I cannot help but think that my place is here, where I can do some good."

"For what it's worth, Colonel, I am glad that you are here." B.J told him. "You've certainly made life here easier."

"Thank you, Son, that means a lot." Potter said, tearful. "You know, in a lot of ways I've been very lucky."

"How so?" B.J questioned.

"Not only was I luckily enough to find a woman like, Mildred and to have a wonderful family with her but I also got a second family too." Potter explained. "Right here, in the middle of Korea and I wasn't even looking for it."

B.J smiled a little, he understood what the Colonel was saying. If anyone asked him to describe the people he had met at the 4077th, the only word that seemed fitting, was family.

"When I was first assigned here, all I wanted to do was do my duty to the best of my ability and finish my serves so I can retire to an easy life back in Missouri." Potter continued. "There have been many of times when I've been offered a state-side position...many of times when I've almost accepted but in the end I just couldn't leave you people...I know, my own family is waiting for me back home but I felt that my family here needed me more...That's why I stayed."

There was another silence and B.J thought about how the Colonel would probably be the best person to talk to. He was married and had children. He understood what it was like to be away from them for a long time.

"How do I go home?" B.J asked, quietly.

Potter frowned at the question. "I thought Klinger had explained..."

"No, not that...I mean, I'm here right now and from the second I said goodbye to Peg and Erin back in the States, I've been wishing I was there," B.J stood up and started to pace a little. "I have wanted it so badly that I don't know what to expect."

"Everyone has a little trouble adjusting when they return home."

"And how do you adjust to being a widower?"

"I really don't know, Son." Potter sighed. "All I can say is think of Erin...It's going to be tough to get through...a lot tougher then what you've been through here and when it does get like that...when you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning...then think of Erin."

"I just... I keep forgetting...not for very long, for like a minute, I forget but then I remember and it's like some stabbing me in the heart." He told Potter. "I just doesn't seem real and I don't know when it will feel real enough for me to deal with it... How can I be a good Father to Erin when I'm living in a world of disbelief?"

"You'll get there." Potter stood up. "With the help of your friends and family...You'll get there."

"We had so many plans." B.J whispered.

"B.J, Peg would not want you to be sad for the rest of your life...She loved you, just like you loved her. If something were to have happened to you over here, would you want her to mourn you for the rest of her life?" Potter questioned. "I know, I'd want Mildred to carry on with living."

"You have a really strong marriage, don't you, Colonel?"

"Best thing I did in my life was marry that girl."

"Have you ever had any...slip ups?" B.J asked.

Potter looked at him surprise, not expecting that question. "You mean, have I never been unfaithful?"

"I shouldn't have asked..." B.J shook his head and started to pace again. "I'm sorry, that was out of order."

"Once." Potter admitted.

B.J stopped moving again and just looked at him.

"And that was dumbest thing, I've ever done in my life." Potter continued. "It was just one night but it's one I'm going to regret for the rest of my life."

"And Mildred forgave you?"

"Never told her...but I think, she has always known." Potter said. "But believe me, I was hard enough on myself for the both of us."

The Colonel watched B.J closely for a few seconds.

"B.J? Did you make a mistake too?" He asked. He would have never have guessed; B.J was furiously loyal and devoted to his wife but Potter knew there must have been a reason why the Captain had asked.

B.J sat down heavily on his cot and covered his face with his hands before nodding silently.

"And what did Peg say when you told her?"

"What makes you think I told her?" B.J asked, removing his hands but still didn't look up.

"I may not have known your wife but I do know you." Potter told him. "I've seen what being apart from her did to you... Keep a secret like that, would have torn you apart."

B.J sighed and brushed some tears of his face. "I wasn't going too...Hawkeye said... He said I would just be hurting her and he was right but then a few days later, Radar had managed to get a line through to her and she could just tell there was something wrong... I could never hide anything from her."

"So, you told her over the phone? What did she say?"

"She...she cried." Tears filled B.J's eyes again at the thought of it. "She tried to hide it...tried to tell me she understood but I knew...she was crying and there was nothing I could do to comfort her."

"When did all these happen?"

"A while ago, before Margaret got married."

"And tell me, did she ever mention the word, divorce?"

"Never."

"Did she say, she forgave you?"

"Yes."

"More then once?"

"Yes."

"Then you need to forgive yourself, Son." Potter reached out and squeezed his shoulder gently. "I spoke to Mildred earlier, and she told me about the time she met Peg at the reunion party...she said, all she talked about was you...she loved you...she missed you... she wasn't thinking about the mistake you made...all she thought about was you getting home safe."

B.J couldn't hold it together any longer and broke down. Potter placed an arm around the captain, knowing that he needed to let it all out.

"Why do I feel like I'm being punished?" He asked between sobs

"Now you listen to me! You're good man! You've saved lives here, you don't deserve any of this...you deserve to live your life with the lady you love and watch your children grow."

"Then why is this happening?"

"I don't know, Son...Maybe that's a question best left to the Predre." Potter sighed softly.

The Colonel didn't know long how they stayed like that. All he could do was sit and hold B.J while he cried over his broken heart.

B.J finally pulled away and rubbed his eyes, then turned to Potter. "Thanks, Colonel.."

"Any time, Son..any time." He told him. "I left Margaret, Klinger and Father Mulcahy playing cards in my office... Why don't we go and join them for a few hands of poker."

"I think I'd rather stay here."

"If you're worried about seeing everyone then don't be...Winchester is on duty in Post-Op and everyone else is in the Mess tent watching a movie."

"Where's Hawkeye?" B.J suddenly realized he hadn't seen his friend since breakfast.

"Hawkeye?"

"Yeah, where is he? You said Charles is on duty...the others playing cards...Where Hawkeye?" B.J questioned. "I haven't seen him all day."

"He hasn't stopped by?" Potter asked in surprise.

"Margaret and Klinger were here earlier...even Winchester offered his condolences." B.J told him. "Hawkeye's meant to be my best friend and he can't be bothered to be here on the worse day of my life."

"I'm sure he wants to be but he doesn't know what to say."

"Yeah, well never do I but I have to be here."

"I'll go and find him..."

"Don't bother..." B.J led down on his cot. "I'm going to get an early night."

"B.J..."

"I really appreciate you being here tonight, Colonel." B.J cut him off but then turned so his back was to Potter. "Good night."

"Good night..." Potter said quietly, a small frown on his face. He waited for a minute but when it was obvious that B.J wasn't going to say no more, he turned and headed out of the tent.

He needed to find Hawkeye.

**TBC**

**Please review! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Please keep them coming! **

**Enjoy! **

**Dreaming Reality **

B.J flipped onto his back with a loud sigh. In between the visits from his co-workers, he had spent most of the day sleeping. He was regretting that now he was wide wake with nothing to do but let his mind race about the days events. He couldn't stop thinking about his wife and he wondered whether she was scared or in pain. He wondered about his daughter and if she had realized that her whole life was about to change. He wondered about his best friends...Whether he was too busy, hiding or just didn't care.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up. Pushing open the door, he stood and watched the rain before stepping out. With in seconds, his clothes were soaked through, but he didn't care. When he saw the Corporal, who was on Guard Duty watching him, so he walked away. He crossed the compound, walking to the edge of camp where he knew he would be alone.

Tilting his head towards the sky, he closed his eyes and let the rain run down his face. Peg always said how cleansed her body and sole felt after walking in the rain. B.J always enjoyed it too but his reasons were more to do with the fact, he loved seeing that side of his wife. Since they got married so young and they both worked hard while B.J went through medical school, they had grown up quickly. So, whenever it rained and Peg insisted on being outside, he was always willing, just so they could act silly. Maybe, that was why he pulled so many practical jokes in the camp because he would go crazy if he had been the mature, responsible one all the time.

"Have you been sent out to see if I've lost my mind?" B.J said, without opening his eyes or moving from his position but he could sense that he was being watched and he knew who was watching him.

"Everyone's pretty worried about you..." Hawkeye claimed. "But no one thinks your losing your mind...That's Klinger's scheme, remember."

"Plus, I don't need a section eight to get out."

"No," Hawkeye agreed quietly. "Listen, why don't we go back to the Swamp and talk."

"I like it out here."

"Beej, it's pouring down."

"Peg says rain cleanses the sole."

"And no one can see you cry." Hawkeye added.

B.J finally turned and opened his eyes. "Why are you out here, Hawk?"

"Because you are." He replied. "And like I said, people are worried about you."

B.J looked past Hawkeye to the swamp and saw Colonel Potter, Margaret and Father Mulcahy stood in the doorway. Klinger was watching from just inside his office. He could even see a shadow in the door of the Post-Op and from the build of it, it looked like Charles.

"I just... I wanted to stand in the rain for a little while." B.J turned back to Hawkeye.

"Okay." Hawkeye shrugged.

"You don't have to stay."

"I do."

B.J watched him closely for a few seconds. "You're just going to stand there silently? You're not going to ask me how I'm feeling or tell me I need to eat something...Or that I have to be strong for Erin?"

"You'll talk when you're ready to talk and it's probably better for your health that you don't eat what they serve here." Hawkeye replied. "And as for Erin... I don't need to tell you to be strong for her because I know you will be...I know you would never let her down."

B.J turned to his back to Hawkeye again. The rain may hide the tears but he knew Hawkeye would see him crying.

Hawkeye knew he didn't have a whole lot of patience but he knew he had to wait till when B.J was ready to open up, even if that meant standing in the rain all night. He glanced back and saw Potter gesturing for him to bring B.J back to the Swamp. He shook his head slightly.

"You don't talk about her." B.J whispered so quietly that Hawkeye almost didn't hear.

"Who? Peg?" Hawkeye frowned in confusion.

"Your Mom...You talk about anything else...you talk about everything else...but you don't talk about her." B.J replied.

Hawkeye was lost for words, he wasn't expecting B.J to bring up his Mother.

"You see, I know you were only young when she died but you were old enough to remember her...Erin's just a baby...What if no one talks about Peg?"

"Beej..." Hawkeye started, reaching out rubbing his forehead with his hand. "Losing my Mom was one of the worse things to ever happen to me, and it hurt...It still hurts but people deal with grief in different kind of ways."

B.J continued to look up at the sky. _People deal with grief in different kind of ways_. He had said it himself to patients before but it didn't make him feel any better now. He wondered whether it helped any of the people he had said it to.

"The thing is, my Dad was never that big on talking about his feelings and I guess it was too hard for him to talk about Mom...I got used to not talking about her." Hawkeye admitted. "Doesn't mean I don't think about her though...and it doesn't mean that Erin won't get to know about her Mom...You'll be around to tell her all the wonderful things about Peg...Tell her all the things that made you love her."

Hawkeye stepped forward and put a hand on B.J's shoulder. "You're not going to forget her either...I promise."

"I think I've already started to..." B.J whispered.

Hawkeye could do nothing but squeeze the younger man's shoulder, hoping it would bring him some kind of comfort.

"Beej, lets go somewhere dry." Hawkeye suggested again.

"Do you know where she was going when the accident happened?" B.J ignored his request.

"B.J..."

"She was going to the store..." He continued. "She was out of flour, so she was going to the store."

"You must be freezing..."

"My parents had been over for dinner and Peg asked them to watch Erin, while she went to the store to get some more flour because after she had put Erin to bed, she was planning baking some cookies...They had to be done last night because she wanted to put them in the care packing she was going to post to me, today."

"I could have happened anywhere." Hawkeye told him.

He felt out of his depth... He knew his friend was hurting but he didn't know what to do to make him feel better. If he was wounded or sick then, he could help but dealing with a broken heart, wasn't his territory.

"Come on, Beej." Hawkeye tugged on his arm and was surprised when the other Captain allowed him to guide him back to the tent.

Potter, Margaret and Father Mulcahy all stepped aside to let the Captains enter the Swamp. They all watched silently as Hawkeye lead B.J inside and sat him down his cot.

They were both drenched and Hawkeye scanned the tent for B.J bathrobe. He noticed that B.J's side of the tent was almost empty.

"I packed some of his stuff..." Margaret told him. "I figured he wouldn't feel like doing it in the morning."

Hawkeye grabbed his own bathrobe and then wrapped it around B.J, who was now shaking and Hawkeye didn't know whether it from the cold or from shock, finally setting in.

"Why don't you boys head to the showers." Potter suggested.

"Cookies..." B.J whispered.

"What was that?" Father Mulcahy questioned, stepping a little closer.

"All for cookies..." B.J mumbled, staring down at his hands, where he was twisting his wedding ring around and around.

"Come on, Son...You're soaked through."

He looked up when Potter placed a hand on his arm. "My Dad spoke to the doctor at hospital...he's an old family... he said...he said she never stood a chance...that she died on impact...she wouldn't have felt a thing...She was in no pain."

"Well, thank god for that." Margaret said.

B.J turned to look at her quickly. "How many times have you said that to someone? How do you know they don't feel any pain? They never come back and tell us."

"Beej, torturing yourself like this, isn't going to help." Hawkeye told him.

"I'm not trying to torture myself...I'm just trying to understand." He stated. "Because all she went out for was flour...The seconds before she died she was thinking about making some cookies for me..."

"She knew how much getting things from home, meant to you... She knew by sending you letters, pictures and cookie, was helping you." Hawkeye claimed. "That's what she thought about...Helping you."

"B.J, I know this must be hard to accept..." Margaret started, softly.

"No, you don't." He shook his head. "You have no idea what I'm feeling."

"Tell us, then." Potter suggested. "We want to help."

"Everything...I'm feeling everything...I feel confused, sad, angry..." He admitted, standing up and started to pace. "Why did she have to go out? Why couldn't she had gone in the morning! If she didn't have to be so damn organized and had to make the cookies last night..."

"B.J..." Margaret tried to interrupt but Hawkeye held up a hand to stop her. He knew he had to let his friend get this off his chest.

"Why did my parents let her go?" He continued. "Why did they have to agree to look after Erin?"

"If they hadn't, Erin may have been in the car too." Father Mulcahy supplied, helpfully. "You could have lost both of them."

"Yeah and it would have been much easier."

Margaret gasped in shock. "You don't mean that!"

"Don't I?" He looked at her. "It would mean an easy solution...I wouldn't have to choose."

"I don't understand..." She frowned, glancing around at the other in the tent.

Hawkeye felt a shiver go down his spine and he knew it wasn't from the cold; he started wondering why B.J had chosen to go the edge of the camp, right next to the mind field.

"How can I choose between them?" B.J dropped back down to the cot, burying his face in his hands.

"You don't." Hawkeye told him forcefully. "You have no choice... Peg's gone but Erin is still here...Erin still needs you!"

"Your wrong..." He shook his head. "She was here...Last night, she was here...I felt her...I know she was here."

"B.J..."

"And you know what? I want to hate her! She said she loved me and she promised she would never leave me!" He broke down. "I want to hate so bad for leaving me but I can't because I love her so much...and I don't know what to do!"

Hawkeye knelt down in front of him, grabbing hold of his chin gently and forced B.J to look up at him. "You're going to listen to me, okay? We're going to get you through this, I promise."

"How?"

"Just trust me." Hawkeye told him, his mind screaming at him for making a promise that he couldn't possible keep when B.J was going to be sent back to the states in less then nine hours. "Can you do that? Just trust me and I'll take care of the rest."

B.J stared back at him for a few seconds before slowly nodding a little.

"Okay, good...first thing we're going to do, is shower." He stood up and pulled B.J to his feet before gently pushing him to the door.

B.J left without any comment and once the door swung shut behind him, Hawkeye let out a loud sigh.

"Well done, Son...I think you may have just got through to him." Potter told him.

"I just hope I didn't lie to my best friend..." He replied.

"If anyone can get him through this, it's you." Father Mulcahy added.

"I really hope so." He ran a hand over his face. "Margaret, would you mind getting the rest of B.J things ready for tomorrow?"

"Of course," she replied, clearing her throat a little.

"And Father, could you see if there any food around?"

"Be glad too." He headed out the tent.

"Anything, I can do?" Potter asked.

"I don't know...Maybe get in touch with Sidney? He won't be able to get out here before B.J leaves but he may be able to talk to him over the phone."

"Could we delay B.J's flight home until after Major Freedman has chance to come here?" Margaret suggested.

"Not a good idea." Potter shook his head. "I think the sooner B.J sees his little girl, the better."

"I agree..." Hawkeye added.

"Well, what about his Father?" Margaret asked. "Maybe we should talk to him too, so he knows what to expect when B.J gets home..."

"Couldn't hurt." Hawkeye glanced at the Colonel for his opinion.

"Okay, I'll go make the calls." Potter nodded. "Pierce, I'll be around if you need me."

"Thanks, Colonel." Hawkeye said, watching as his CO left the tent.

"Here, B.J might need these." Margaret held out a blue bathrobe and a wash bag that she had packed earlier.

"Thanks," Hawkeye took hold of them and picked up his own things. He was glad to see the rain was beginning to stop as he hurried towards the showers, hoping B.J had listened to him and had gone there.

Once Margaret was alone, she sat down on the chair that was next to the still and looked around sadly. It had been such a long day, one that made her feel tired and suddenly a lot older then she did that morning. Even though, she was ashamed to admit it, a part of her was a little bit envious. B.J would rather die then live without his wife; that is how much he loved her. While Donald didn't even love her enough to stay faithful.

_**XxXxX**_

A hour later, B.J was sleeping again while Hawkeye sat beside his cot, watching him. They showered in silence and when they returned to the swamp, he just led down and went to sleep; all his energy drained away from him. Although, he didn't speak, Hawkeye was relieved to see that he had seemed to calm down a little.

He felt exhausted himself but knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. There were too many emotional running through his body. He surprised at how sad he felt. He never met Peg before but he felt like he was grieving for someone he had known for his life. Maybe it was because he was never going to meet her...B.J was more then a friend to him, he was his brother, in every way apart from blood. He wanted to meet the woman that he loved so much.

His eyes shot back to his best friend when he mumbled in his sleep but he didn't wake. Hawkeye felt guilty too, because he hadn't been there for him. When B.J needed him the most, he ran away because he couldn't face seeing his friend hurting so much but he wasn't going to let that happen again. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure his friend made it through this.

**TBC**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, sorry for taking so long to update. Thanks for all the reviews, adds to favourite and story alerts. I'm going to dedicate this chapter to Abbyli, who 'bugged' and motivated me to finish this chapter. I hope you like it. **

**Please review. **

**Enjoy! **

**Dreaming Reality **

Hawkeye had spoken with Sidney for a few minutes, once Potter had managed to get hold of him and he had tried to assure them all, that B.J's behavior seemed normal, considering the circumstances. Although, Hawkeye was not so sure, which was why he was still sat, watching his friend at 4:28am.

He could not help but feel angry. Angry, that this was the way B.J was leaving Korea. It didn't seem fair. The way that Hawkeye always imagined B.J leaving was if the war ever ended or he completed his duty and allowed home; which ever came first. Although he had been there longer, Hawkeye always thought that B.J would leave before him; there was a lot of times when he just could not picture ever going home. The one thing, he would not allow was for him to leave the way that Trapper did. He had imagined a huge party, with lots of drinking and lots of laughter. Everyone in camp would be happy because if anyone deserved to be going home, it was B.J.

He knew there would be no parties...There would be no laughter but it was a safe bet that there would be lots of drinking.

He looked back at his friend and wondered whether he knew the hole he would be leaving tomorrow.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door, opening. Looking over, he saw Charles stood silently watching B.J. Hawkeye suddenly realized that Charles had practically been on duty for 24 hours. Despite everything that had been said, he knew Charles had a good heart underneath all that arrogance.

"How is he?" Charles whispered, not want to disturb the sleeping man.

"Going through the emotions," Hawkeye sighed. "Listen, Charles, thanks for taking care of Post-Op..."

Charles held his hand up to stop him from continuing. "It's the least I could...I cannot imagine what he must be feeling and I knew there was nothing I could do to comfort him, so I opted to doing the post-op duty to free you and the Colonel to take care of him."

"I appreciate it and I know B.J will too." Hawkeye replied, feeling guilty that he spent so much time hiding.

Charles sat down on Hawkeye's empty cot and they were both silent for a few moments.

"Times like this really make you think," Charles said quietly. "I spend most of my day arguing, berating and despising the two of you...Yet now I hear this young woman has died and I feel so sadden by it... I know any death is upsetting but I feel like I knew her..."

"Feels like someone who was apart of your family." Hawkeye continued where Charles left off.

"Hunnicutt spoke so often of her that I think may know her better then members of my own family, yes." Charles agreed but then glared a little at him. "This does not mean I actually like either of you two."

"Of course not, Charles...I mean, no real family actually likes one another.?

Charles rolled his eyes before standing up and heading back to his own side of the tent.

Hawkeye smiled to himself. They were a family and even though he was going to hate being there twice as much when B.J leaves, he knew he would not be alone. Not like after Henry had gone and Trapper had left. Now he had Potter, Margaret and even Charles as well Klinger and Father Mulcahy. Being so close, made each of them much stronger individuals and an unstoppable unit. He knew they would all make sure one another got through this war but he was sick of it all. He just hoped it would end soon, so they could all get back to where they deserve to be.

XxXxX

"Drink for the road?" Hawkeye asked, the next morning when B.J and he were alone in the swamp.

"It's 7:30am." B.J replied.

"A liquid breakfast," Hawkeye shrugged. "For old time sake."

B.J accepted the martini glass and clinked it against Hawkeye but he did not drink it.

"Look, Hawk..."

"Don't." He held up his hand to stop him. "I'm coming with you to Kimpo, we got a long drive...We'll do the goodbye later."

B.J nodded a little looked down at the floor.

"Ah, Hunnicutt," Potter walked into the tent. "Already to leave?"

"I guess so." B.J placed the untouched drink of floor and looked at Potter. "Colonel, I really appreciate everything you've done for me..."

"Uh, I'll take your bags out to the jeep." Hawkeye excused himself.

"I hate saying goodbye." Potter sighed, tiredly. "Especially in these circumstances."

"I meant what I said yesterday, you made being here bearable...I don't think any of us would have made if we had to put up with Frank Burns in command."

"You would have been fine...I think the people in this camp listen to you and Hawkeye more then they do to me." Potter claimed. "You've made quite an impression on the folks here."

"You underestimate the respect and love that everyone has for you." B.J replied. "But it's nothing compared to the love and respect I have for you."

"Well, damn...that did it." Potter muttered, rubbing his eyes, not being able to hold the tears back any more.

"Thank you, Colonel." B.J whispered, holding out his hand.

Potter pulled the younger man into a hug. "Thank you, B.J...I'm really going to miss you around here."

"You better keep an eye on Hawkeye...Without me here to watch him, he might start a practical joke war." B.J tried to joke, to break the tension. "There's enough war around here, already."

"You didn't fool me, you're much worse then Pierce, Winchester and Margaret put together." Potter told him, grateful for the lighter topic. "I know you're the mystery joker."

"You knew too?" B.J asked in surprise. He wondered how many more people had worked it out.

"Of course, I know...I know everything that goes on in this camp." He claimed. "The only thing that I could not work out was that ending to that damn book, which you received."

"The Roaster Crowed At Midnight?"

"When you get chance, you better send me a copy that has the final page." Potter told him.

"I'll see what I can do." B.J smiled a little.

"Well, son...It's almost time for you to go." Potter said, placing a hand on his arm. "I know you a got a hell of a hard time to get through but you just make sure you take care of yourself."

"Yes, Sir."

"And when this war is over, you'll have to bring that little lady of yours up to Missouri." Potter continued. "She can have her first pony ride."

"I hope we will be able to do that sooner rather then later."

"Me too." Potter agreed.

"I guess, I better get going then." B.J said, glancing around the tent that was his home for nearly two years.

"Listen, Son... There are some people waiting outside to say goodbye...It didn't seem right to throw you a farewell party but people did want to say goodbye."

B.J ran a hand over his face. "I always thought that when I was finally allowed to go, I'd be the happiest man in the whole world... but all it seems is that I'm leaving one family to go back to another, which is broken apart."

"If it's too much for you, I'm sure everyone will understand." Potter told him. "I can go and tell them to let you leave quietly..."

"No, it's fine...I should say goodbye." B.J replied. "But can I just have a minute?"

"Of course..." Potter patted his arm. "I'll be outside."

B.J let out a long shaky breath and looked around again. Despite what his tent mates thought, he hardly slept last night. He had heard their conversation and it made him think about the friendships he had made in Korea. He had always concentrated on getting home to Peg and Erin. He never thought what it would be like to leave his friends behind. He remembered the night, he had came up with the idea for the get together their family had back in the states; it was because Hawkeye and he were talking about a ten year reunion. He been so excited about his friends meeting his family because he could not imagine life without Hawkeye or Margaret or Potter...or even Charles. It terrified him that he would have to get used to life without both Peg and them.

He noticed the chessboard, already set up ready. He was going to miss playing with Hawkeye. He always made it interesting, always coming up with some story about the pieces or the moves he made. That was how they invented 'Double Cranko'. He smiled slightly and moved one of his pieces.

When he looked over at Charles' side of the tent, he noticed the Major had left his wash bag on his cot. He walked over, glancing around to make sure no one was looking before pulling out a tube of toothpaste and Charles' shampoo. Just for old time shake, he poured the shampoo into the toothpaste before returning them to where they belong.

He looked around again once more before opening the door and stepping out into the compound. He was taken back by the size of the crowd that gathered.

"I was going to do you a pack lunch for the plane but I figured it'll be kinder not to." Igor told him as he passed by him.

B.J smiled a little but did not comment. He was feeling a little overwhelmed. A few of the nurses hugged him as he passed them.

"Captain, this is for Erin." Kelley pressed something soft into his hand before hugging him.

"What is it?" B.J questioned as he pulled back. He looked down a saw a home-made clothed doll. He smiled a little when he saw it was wearing a nurses' army uniform.

"We thought, you might like to give her a gift when you got home." She explained.

"Thank you." He reached out a squeeze her hand.

"We're all going to really miss you, Captain." She told him.

"I'll miss you all too." He replied.

Once he had passed all the nurses, he came to Margaret, Charles, Father Mulcahy and Colonel Potter. Margaret eyes were filled with tears and she threws her arms around his neck.

"Keep touch." She told him, tearfully.

"Of course." He whispered, tightening his arms around her. "You take care, Margaret."

"You too." She pulled back and brushed away a few years.

"Hunnicutt, remember my offer." Charles said. "If ever you should need it, then it'll always be there."

"Thank you, Charles."

"I cannot say its been a pleasure to work with you but I will admit, I could have been much worse."

"Thank you, Charles." He repeated but this time, he rolled his eyes.

"God bless, you and your family." Father Mulcahy reached out and shook his hand. "I'll be praying for you all."

B.J gripped his hand tightly and placed his free on the priest's shoulder. "You're a real lifesaver, Father... I cannot thank you enough for everything."

"Travel safely, B.J." He replied softly.

B.J looked back at the crowd of people he had lived with for almost two years. He knew that despite being sent to this war, he was lucky to end up in this camp. He did not know whether he would have survived anywhere else.

"Captain, are you ready?" Klinger asked.

"Yeah," he whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Lets go."

"You look after yourself, you hear." Potter followed him over to the jeep.

"Yes, Sir."

"And remember, to send the book." He added causing B.J to smile a little.

"Come on, Beej." Hawkeye climbed into the passenger's seat and Klinger got into the drivers seat. "Lets get you home."

B.J nodded and then look at Potter again. "Thanks, Colonel."

"Goodbye, Son." He replied.

B.J took a long shaky breath before climbing into the back of the jeep. He did not know how much longer he could keep a hold of his emotions. He took one more look at the camp and all the people. It still did not seem real to him. He was convinced he was going to wake up any minute in the swamp and find out it was all a dream...a nightmare.

Klinger had only drove a few feet when B.J stop him.

"Wait, stop...stop!" B.J called out.

"What's wrong? You forget something?" Hawkeye turned in his seat to look at his friend, to see him searching through his bag.

"Just give me a minute." B.J pulled out a book and removed some loose papers from inside.

"Hey! Where are you go?" Hawkeye asked, as B.J jumped out the jeep and head back towards the crowd.

"Hunnicutt, what's the problem?" Potter asked in concerned, meeting him halfway.

"I wanted to give you this." He handed him the papers.

Potter looked down and read what he was just given. It took a few seconds before he realized what it was and then he broke out into laughter.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist...I never thought it would make the whole camp crazy but it was fun watching you all."

"I can't believe you had this the whole time." Potter shook his head, still looking at the final pages to 'The Rooster Crowed at Midnight'. "This doesn't get you off the hook, though...I still want a letter from you."

B.J smiled. "Goodbye Colonel."

"What was all that about?" Hawkeye asked when B.J got back into the jeep.

"Just something I had to give to him."

"Are you ready now, Sir?" Klinger questioned.

"Yeah, lets go."

XxXxX

Klinger came to a stop once they reached Kimpo Airport and he glanced at the two Captains but neither of were moving.

"I'll go and find where you need to be." He offered, knowing they would probably want to say their good byes in private.

"I can't believe this is it." B.J said. "I can't believe how one day could change everything."

"I know..." Hawkeye whispered.

"Hawkeye, you know I wouldn't have made it if..."

"I know." Hawkeye cut him off. "And I'm so glad it was you..."

"Yeah."

Hawkeye ran a hand over his face. He couldn't believe it was this hard to say goodbye to his best friend. For the past two years, he hated Trapper for skipping out before they had chance to say goodbye but maybe he was just trying to avoid this.

"I'm scared, Hawk."

Hawkeye finally turned around in his seat to look at him. "I know...Me too."

They both stared at each other understandingly. B.J had no idea what his life was going to be like back home without his wife and Hawkeye did not know what his life was going be like in Korea without his best friend.

"Come on." Hawkeye started to climb out the jeep.

"Promise me, Hawk that this, is not it." B.J asked when they were both stood beside the jeep, his bags at his feet. "Promise me, when this is all over we'll still be friends...I can't lose both Peg and you."

Hawkeye smiled a little. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Captain, you need to get going!" Klinger rushed up from behind them. "We're later then I thought!"

"What? Now?"

"I'm sorry, Sir...I thought we had more time." Klinger said sadly and held out his hand. "I'm sure am going to miss you."

B.J reached out and took his hand. "Thanks, Klinger, for making things...interesting."

"Hey, I was just simple Lebanese loony trying to live my crazy life." He shrugged.

"You're the sanest one there."

"Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that!" Klinger exclaimed before adding softly. "Good luck, B.J. I hope we hear from you soon."

"You will."

B.J then turned to look at Hawkeye again. Not long after he arrived in Korea, B.J started considering Hawkeye as one his best friends and knew it was always going to be hard to say goodbye but he never realized it was going to be this hard.

"Look, you need to get going or you will miss your plane." Hawkeye told him.

"Yeah...Hawk..."

He sighed when B.J trailed off but he was a little relieved that he was not the only one struggling to find the right words.

"Listen, you've got a lot to deal with at home right now...It's going to be tough, and Erin is going need you to be strong for her so just forget about this place...forget you were ever here..." Hawkeye told him. "Just concentrate on yourself and your daughter then when things get a little easier, I better be the first person you write to."

B.J smiled widely. "You can count on it."

"Good, now get going already!"

He stepped forward and hugged Hawkeye tightly. "Thanks, Hawk...For everything."

"You're my best friend, Beej...You don't have to thank me for anything."

They pulled away from each other and B.J opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.

"Beej...go home." Hawkeye said after a few seconds of silence.

He nodded a little, his vision clouded with tears. "Bye, Hawk."

Hawkeye watched as he picked up his bags and then headed in the direction Klinger pointed.

"See ya, Beej..." He whispered when he was almost out of sight.

"You think he'll be okay?" Klinger asked, quietly.

Hawkeye swallowed a lump in that rose his throat. "I hope so."

He thought about everything he had been through with B.J. How they connected that very day when they were shot at, saved lives and got drunk. He remembered how they had got lost and met Ralph. How B.J fell in love with Kim and her little brother and got his heart broken when they left. All the pranks they pulled...all the lives they saved...all the lives they lost. One thing, Hawkeye knew for sure was that he never wanted the war to be over, as much as he did at that very moment.

"Come on, Klinger...Lets go."

**TBC**

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